The Ultimate Alabama Starter Pack: 12 Things You’ll Own Whether You Want To or Not

Living in Alabama comes with a few… let’s call them “unofficial state-issued accessories.” Whether you’re rollin’ tide, war eagl-ing, or just trying to survive the humidity without dissolving, there are some things that will inevitably sneak into your life. You didn’t buy them all on purpose—but somehow, they now feel like part of the family.

1. A Wardrobe That’s 80% Crimson or Orange & Blue

You can try to stay neutral. You can pretend to like both teams. But sooner or later, you’ll pick a side, and your closet will declare war on the other.

2. A Giant Bottle of Bug Spray That Never Works Quite Enough

Mosquitoes here train like Navy SEALs. You’ll own industrial-grade DEET and still end up looking like a buffet platter.

3. A T-Shirt from a Local BBQ Joint That You Treat Like Church Clothes

It’s stained with sauce and pit smoke—but you wear it with pride. You don’t just eat at Big Bob Gibson’s or Dreamland—you represent them.

4. A Car That’s Been Through at Least One Tornado Warning

Forget snow tires—Alabamians know the real prep is making sure your car’s ready to outrun a twister while listening to James Spann.

5. A Deep Fryer You Swore You’d Only Use “For Special Occasions”

Lies. You’ve fried Oreos, pickles, turkey, and a few things the FDA probably doesn’t approve of.

6. At Least One Confederate Flag… That You’re Pretty Sure Belongs to Your Uncle

You didn’t buy it. You didn’t ask for it. But somehow, it’s in a garage or truck window and now it’s a whole conversation you weren’t ready for.

7. A Raincoat That Lives in Your Car

Because the weather app lies, the humidity doesn’t play fair, and Alabama storms come out of nowhere like a plot twist in a soap opera.

8. A Collection of Church Cookbooks

You don’t go to half the churches they came from, but those banana pudding and deviled egg recipes are sacred. Grandma said so.

9. More College Football Schedules Than You Have Wall Space

Refrigerator magnets, calendars, laminated wallet cards—your entire fall social life revolves around SEC kickoff times.

10. A Mason Jar That Has Never Seen a Canning Lid

It’s not for pickles. It’s your sweet tea chalice. Or your moonshine goblet. Either way, it’s dishwasher optional.

11. A Truck with at Least One Dent and a Story to Match

You don’t really own a truck in Alabama unless it’s been used to pull someone out of a ditch, haul a deer, or accidentally hit a mailbox.

12. A Love-Hate Relationship with Waffle House

You complain about it. You swear it gave you heartburn. But you’ll still end up there at 2 AM defending your hash brown order like it’s a lifestyle choice.

So there you have it—the true Alabama starter pack. Not sold in stores, but accumulated over time through humidity, tailgates, and family gatherings where everyone brings potato salad. Whether you’re yelling “Roll Tide!” or “War Eagle!” (or whispering “Go Blazers” and hoping no one notices), just know you’re officially one of us now. Bless your heart, and welcome to the party.