These 14 Things That Instantly Give Away a Tourist in Colorado

Colorado is a land of majestic peaks, craft breweries, and residents who own more Patagonia than dress clothes. Locals thrive on elevation, snow tires, and a deep, spiritual connection to their favorite ski resort. Tourists? Well, they stand out like a flatlander at a 10,000-foot trailhead.

Here are 14 ways we immediately know you’re not from Colorado:

1. Gasping for Air in Denver

It’s called the Mile High City for a reason. If you’re huffing and puffing on a downtown stroll, we’re guessing you flew in yesterday.

2. Wearing a Brand-New “Colorado” Hoodie from a Gift Shop

Fresh creases, oversized lettering, and that just-bought-it-at-the-airport look? You’re not fooling anyone, friend.

3. Calling It “Co-lo-RAH-do”

The “a” in Colorado is flat—Co-lo-RAD-o. Mispronounce it and watch locals squint in silent judgment.

4. Panicking Over a Little Snow

A few flurries and you’re canceling plans? In Colorado, we call that Tuesday. The only time we panic is when there’s no snow.

5. Wearing Flip-Flops in a Snowstorm

Actually… that might be a local. But only if they’re also wearing shorts and a beanie.

6. Trying to Drive in the Mountains Without AWD

Bringing your Florida rental car with bald tires to I-70 in February? You’re about to learn why we all own Subarus.

7. Asking Where You Can Legally Smoke Weed—Loudly

Yes, it’s legal. No, you don’t need to shout it in a family-friendly brunch spot in Boulder.

8. Thinking the Rockies Are “Just a Quick Drive” Away

If someone says “just an hour,” add 90 minutes and a road closure due to elk, weather, or tourists like you.

9. Stopping in the Middle of the Trail for Selfies

You just blocked a pack of trail runners, two dogs, a mountain biker, and someone named Chad who’s running barefoot.

10. Confusing a Moose with an Elk

One will run. The other will wreck your car and not even blink. Know the difference.

11. Underestimating the Sun

SPF 50 is mandatory here. Tourists get crispy after one afternoon beer garden, then wonder why they look like a lobster in their Red Rocks photos.

12. Thinking Denver Is in the Mountains

It’s not. You’ll find yourself saying, “Wait, where are the mountains?” until someone points west.

13. Asking Where to Buy Bottled Water for a Hike

That’s adorable. Our water comes from melted snowpack, and we fill our Nalgenes like it’s a religion.

14. Wearing Designer Ski Gear at a Beginner Hill

If you’re in $2,000 goggles and can’t get off the lift without falling—tourist energy is radiating off of you like UV rays at 10,000 feet.

Colorado loves its tourists—we rely on you to fund ski towns and keep the I-70 traffic spicy. But if you want to blend in, learn how to pronounce “Frisco,” stop asking about sea level, and bring ChapStick everywhere.

Oh—and don’t forget: altitude sickness doesn’t care how fit you were at sea level. Drink water, flatlander. Lots of it.