12 Reasons Why You Should Never Ever Move to Ohio

Thinking about Ohio? Don’t. The Buckeye State will charm you with Midwestern friendliness, surprisingly cool cities, and enough sports rivalries to make your head spin. This “warning” list pretends to scare you—but really, it’s just Ohio showing off why it’s the heart of it all.

1) You’ll Have to Pick a Side: Buckeyes or Wolverines

The Ohio State vs. Michigan rivalry is fierce. Neutrality isn’t an option—you’ll be chanting “O-H!” before you know it.

2) Cedar Point Will Ruin Every Other Amusement Park

“The Roller Coaster Capital of the World” has rides so wild that Disney and Universal feel tame afterward.

3) You’ll Become Obsessed With Buckeye Candy

Chocolate and peanut butter perfection. One bite, and Reese’s suddenly feels like a knockoff.

4) Lake Erie Will Steal Your Summers

Beaches, boating, islands, and waterfront sunsets. It’s practically an inland ocean with way fewer sharks.

5) You’ll Realize Ohio Has Great Cities (Plural)

Cleveland rocks (literally—Rock & Roll Hall of Fame), Columbus is young and vibrant, and Cincinnati mixes history with chili on spaghetti. You’ll start bragging about all three.

6) Speaking of Chili… You’ll Get Hooked

Cincinnati-style chili isn’t just food—it’s an identity. Piled on spaghetti with cheese, onions, and beans, it’s weird, but you’ll defend it passionately.

7) The Cost of Living Will Spoil You

Affordable homes, low prices, and plenty of space. Once you get used to it, you’ll never understand why people pay double elsewhere.

8) You’ll Fall for Small Town Charm

From Amish Country to quirky places like Yellow Springs, Ohio’s small towns feel like time capsules with personality.

9) Football Will Take Over Your Life

High school Friday nights, college Saturdays, pro football Sundays—it’s basically a three-day weekend holiday all fall long.

10) You’ll Be Shocked by the Nature

Hocking Hills, Cuyahoga Valley National Park, waterfalls, caves, forests—Ohio is way greener and prettier than people give it credit for.

11) You’ll Pick Up Midwestern Niceness

Holding doors, waving at neighbors, helping strangers shovel snow—it’s contagious. You’ll become nicer without realizing it.

12) The People Will Make You Proud to Stay

Ohioans are hardworking, down-to-earth, and endlessly loyal to their home state. Stick around, and you’ll see why.

So Should You Move to Ohio?

Absolutely not—unless you’re ready for unbeatable roller coasters, all-out sports rivalries, and an endless supply of friendly neighbors. Ohio may not brag loudly, but once you’ve lived here, you’ll understand why people never stop calling it home.