12 Reasons Why You Should Never Ever Consider Moving to Washington

Hey there, future mover! Before you start dreaming of majestic mountains, lush forests, and vibrant cities like Seattle, let me stop you right there. Here are 12 completely valid (and not at all exaggerated) reasons why you should think twice about making Washington your new home.

Rain, Rain, and More Rain

If you’re not a fan of getting drenched, Washington’s infamous rainy weather—especially in Seattle—will have you investing in more umbrellas than you thought humanly possible and wondering if the sun ever shines.

Coffee Overload

If you’re not a coffee addict, Washington’s obsession with coffee—home to Starbucks and countless independent cafes—will make you feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t have a cup permanently glued to your hand.

The Evergreen Envy

If you’re not into trees, Washington’s dense forests, with endless evergreens that stretch for miles, might leave you feeling suffocated by all that green and longing for a bit of open space.

Mountains Everywhere

If you’re not into hiking, Washington’s stunning mountain ranges—like the Cascades and the Olympics—will have you constantly being asked to “hit the trails,” even if you’d rather just hit the couch.

Seattle Traffic

If you’re not a fan of sitting in your car, Seattle’s notorious traffic, with its endless backups and slow-moving lanes, will have you questioning if you’ll ever reach your destination on time—or at all.

Earthquake Anxiety

If you’re not a fan of the ground shaking, living in a state that’s part of the Pacific Ring of Fire, with its potential for major earthquakes, might have you nervously eyeing every small tremor.

The Tech Takeover

If you’re not into tech, Washington’s booming tech industry, especially in Seattle and Redmond, will leave you feeling out of place in a world where everyone seems to be a software developer or start-up founder.

The Snowpocalypse

If you’re not prepared for winter surprises, Washington’s occasional but intense snowstorms—particularly in the eastern part of the state—will have you scrambling for snow tires and wondering why no one warned you.

Grunge Isn’t Dead

If you’re not into 90s nostalgia, Washington’s deep connection to grunge music—thanks to bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam—will make you feel like you’ve stepped into a time warp where flannel shirts never went out of style.

Endless Outdoor Activities

If you’re not an outdoorsy type, Washington’s wealth of outdoor activities—from kayaking to skiing to mountain biking—will have you feeling like the odd one out in a state where everyone seems to live for adventure.

Salmon Overload

If you’re not a fan of fish, Washington’s love for salmon—served smoked, grilled, and every other way possible—will have you questioning if there’s anything else on the menu.

The Ferry Frenzy

If you’re not a fan of boats, Washington’s extensive ferry system, crucial for reaching many parts of the Puget Sound, will make you feel like you’re constantly living on the water, even if you’d prefer to stay dry.

So, there you have it. Twelve ironclad reasons to keep Washington off your relocation list. Sure, it might sound like a place with breathtaking scenery, a thriving culture, and some of the best coffee on Earth, but don’t be fooled by the allure. Stick to your drier, less mountainous, and less tech-obsessed environments, and leave Washington to those who don’t mind a little rain, a lot of coffee, and the occasional grunge revival.