12 Reasons Why You Should Never Ever Move to Rhode Island

Thinking about Rhode Island? Don’t. The Ocean State may be tiny, but it packs in more coastline, history, and charm than states three times its size. This “warning” list is supposed to scare you—but really, it’s just Rhode Island daring you not to fall in love.

1) The Beaches Will Steal Your Summers

From Narragansett to Misquamicut, Rhode Island’s sandy shores are world-class. You’ll wonder how a state this small hogged so much coastline.

2) You’ll Eat Way Too Many Clam Cakes

Paired with a bowl of chowder, they’re crispy, salty perfection. After a few, you’ll never look at hush puppies the same way again.

3) Coffee Milk Will Confuse You… Then Hook You

It sounds odd—milk flavored with sweet coffee syrup—but once you try it, you’ll crave it like a true Rhode Islander.

4) Providence Will Surprise You

Historic architecture, artsy vibes, and one of the best food scenes in New England. Plus, WaterFire turns downtown into a glowing masterpiece.

5) You’ll Fall for Newport’s Mansions

The Gilded Age homes lining the cliffs are so stunning, you’ll start casually daydreaming about yacht ownership.

6) Quahogs Will Become Part of Your Vocabulary

You’ll learn how to say it (“KO-hog”), how to eat it, and how to respect it as a state treasure.

7) The State Is Small… Which Means No Excuses

Want the beach? The city? The woods? In Rhode Island, everything is 30 minutes away, so you’ll run out of excuses not to go.

8) Festivals Will Fill Your Calendar

Seafood fests, art shows, music events—Rhode Island packs more into its calendar than some states ten times larger.

9) You’ll Start Dropping Local Slang

You’ll say “down city” instead of downtown and call water fountains “bubblers.” Outsiders will be lost, but you’ll love it.

10) Autumn Will Knock You Flat

Pumpkin patches, fiery leaves, and crisp air. New England fall here is cozy perfection.

11) Summers Will Feel Like a Movie

Sailing, beach bonfires, lobster boils—Rhode Island summers feel like something out of a nostalgic coming-of-age film.

12) The People Will Make You Proud

Rhode Islanders are fiercely loyal to their little state. Spend enough time here, and you’ll understand why they wear that pride so loudly.

So Should You Move to Rhode Island?

Absolutely not—unless you’re ready for clam cakes, coffee milk, and summers you’ll never stop bragging about. Rhode Island may be small, but it’s mighty—and once it gets under your skin, you’ll never want to leave.