Here Is The Absolute Worst Itinerary to Recommend Anyone in Arizona

If you’ve ever dreamed of a vacation that combines scorching heat, mind-numbing boredom, and a profound sense of regret, you’re in for a treat. Today, we unveil the ultimate guide to the worst Arizona itinerary known to mankind.  So grab your sense of humor (and maybe a cactus for company), because this is one trip you’ll wish you never took!

Tour all our ‘Bertos restaurants

Credit: Filibertos/Facebook

The sheer number of ‘Bertos establishments in the valley is simply mind-blowing. Why not give them all a visit?

Pet a Cholla Cactus

Ah, the majestic Cholla cactus – nature’s porcupine in the plant world. Forget about those soft and cuddly animals; it’s time to experience the thrill of petting something that fights back! To engage in the ancient art of Cholla caressing, first, locate the spiniest specimen. Approach it confidently, as if you’re about to tame a wild beast. Extend your hand with determination and give it a gentle pat, just like you would your cat. The Cholla will respond with a delightful surprise of prickly love, leaving you with a unique and unforgettable souvenir: a handful of tiny spines as a token of nature’s affection. Who needs a spa day when you can have a Cholla massage? It’s the ultimate in prickly pampering – a spa treatment straight from the desert!

Visiting in July? Give Camelback a Hike

Credit: Camelback Mountain/Facebook

As you ascend, let the sun be your personal heat coach, turning your body into a mobile sauna. Forget about the water bottle; consider your sweat a liquid sacrifice to the desert gods. The trail becomes your catwalk, and each step is a daring strut into the realm of questionable life choices.

Feed the local Javalinas

Credit: Arizona Highways

Don’t forget to find out why they call them “Skunks of the desert!”

Summer Sidewalk Omelette Making Contest

Credit: Time

Elevate your culinary skills to new heights with an Arizona Summer Sidewalk Omelette Extravaganza! Step 1: Find the sunniest spot on the sidewalk – bonus points if it’s hot enough to fry an egg without any effort. Step 2: Crack a few eggs onto the pavement and watch as nature’s stovetop cranks up to a sizzling temperature. Forget about that fancy skillet; the sidewalk is your canvas now. Step 3: Get creative with your toppings. Sun-dried tomatoes? Check. Sidewalk-fried mushrooms? Absolutely. And don’t forget to sprinkle some pavement seasoning for that authentic Arizona touch. Step 4: Use the power of the sun to cook your masterpiece to perfection. It’s like a solar-powered culinary masterpiece, with a side of urban charm. Caution: Sidewalk may be hot, but your omelette game will be even hotter! Just remember to garnish with a sprig of resilience and a dash of daring. Bon appétit, sidewalk chef extraordinaire!

Need a rental car? Don’t forget the Leather Interior!

Picture this: you stroll up to the rental counter, and with a mischievous grin, request the pinnacle of desert luxury – a car with leather interior. Little do you know; you’ve just signed up for a vehicular hot yoga class. As you open the car door, the leather seats beckon with the warmth of a thousand suns. It’s like stepping into a portable sauna, minus the soothing spa music. Driving becomes a daring escapade in temperature management as you navigate the streets like a true leather-seat warrior. Parking in the sun? A strategic move to transform your car into a four-wheeled convection oven. Forget about the AC; embrace the full-body baking experience. The scent of hot leather? It’s not just a car interior; it’s a scented candle on wheels. So, buckle up and let the Arizona sun become your co-pilot on this leather-bound adventure!

Pro tip: Make sure you get a rental car with no working air conditioning – because better gas mileage, duh.

Haboob coming? Let’s drive into it!

Credit: Wikipedia

It’s not just a road trip; it’s a front-row seat to Mother Nature’s dirtiest dance party. Roll down the windows to let in the full immersive experience – a dust exfoliation treatment for both you and your vehicle. Forget about those car washes; consider it a complimentary desert detailing service. Embrace the challenge of driving blindfolded by dust clouds, turning your car into a high-speed sandpaper simulator. Who needs visibility when you have the thrill of the unknown? As the Haboob envelops your vehicle, remember: it’s not just a dust storm; it’s an airborne adventure, and you’re the star. So, grip that steering wheel like a dust-taming hero and let the desert winds be your co-pilots on this gritty escapade! Dust off, adrenaline junkies – you’ve just survived the Haboob Highway.